


Ton cœur de pyrex

by shessocold



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Bisexuality, Bittersweet, F/M, Falling In Love, Getting Together, Love Confessions, Lovers to Friends, M/M, Past Relationship(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-04
Updated: 2019-12-04
Packaged: 2021-02-25 20:40:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,041
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21671614
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shessocold/pseuds/shessocold
Summary: War changes everything.
Relationships: Remus Lupin/Nymphadora Tonks, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 5
Kudos: 27
Collections: RS Small Gifts 2019





	Ton cœur de pyrex

**Author's Note:**

> Written as a gift to Averita.

  


For Tonks, it's love at first sight. Well, _love_ – infatuation, at the very least, if she wants to weigh her words carefully. Which she doesn't, really, not when it comes to Remus Lupin.

The night they meet, at the first proper meeting of the newly re-established Order of the Phoenix, she comes back to her flat feeling almost drunk on the very existence of the man who was sitting across the table from her. She likes everything about him — the liquid quality of his brown eyes, amber-like by candlelight, the shape of his nose, the way his infrequent smile seems to light up his whole face, the nervous grace of his long, lean body. Emboldened by the climate of comradeship fostered by their shared purpose, she resolves to seduce him as soon as is feasible. 

The sex, once they finally get to it, is excellent. On their third consecutive evening together, her legs slightly trembling under the sheet, her heart full and warm, she sees no reason not to say what’s on her mind. 

“You do?” asks Remus, clearly taken aback. Tonks’ grin fades slightly. 

“Yeah,” she confirms, doing her best to keep her tone light. “And who wouldn’t, honestly, once they see what you can do with those fingers of yours — speaking of which, why don’t we...” 

Remus sighs, which by any standard isn’t a particularly desirable reaction to a declaration of love. 

“Dora,” he begins, with the air of someone who’s embarking on a long, unpleasant speech. 

“You don’t have to say anything,” says Tonks, cutting him off. “Tell you what, forget I said anything at all.” 

“It’s not that I don’t love you too,” insists Remus, cupping her flaming cheek with his cool hand. “I do, at least as much as it’s, well, realistic under our circumstances.” 

Judging from Remus’ tone, he seems to consider this a rather generous concession. Tonks feels sick to her stomach. 

“Our circumstances,” she repeats, her mouth dry. Realistically, she has to admit, she brought this whole thing on herself. The thought doesn’t make Remus’ rejection sting any less. 

“You are so young, Dora,” says Remus, soothingly. “I don’t expect you to understand.” 

Irritation is beginning to tinge Tonks’ feeling of humiliation. 

“Try me,” she says. “I’m not _that_ young, after all.” 

Remus shakes his head slowly. He looks — infuriatingly — as if he sees the age gap between them as an unfortunate shortcoming of Tonks’, one that he’s too polite to openly blame her for. It might be the first time, Tonks realises, that she has seen him be anything but perfectly pleasant. 

“Things were different during the war,” says Remus eventually. “In a way that is frankly very hard to explain to someone who wasn’t there. You couldn’t trust anyone… it did things to people’s minds, ruined friendships… ruined relationships, too. You can’t really recover from…” 

“You can trust _me_ ,” blurts out Tonks, and she realises she’s missed the point even before she sees Remus’ vaguely condescending half-smile, and she hates herself for running her mouth without thinking. 

“I know that,” says Remus, very gently. “And I appreciate it immensely. And I want you to trust me too, which is why I won’t tell you that I love you as much as you deserve to be loved, because that would be a lie.” 

Tonks gives a stiff, silent nod. 

“Don’t be upset, please,” says Remus, after a pause. “It wasn’t my intention to… look, you’re a brilliant person, and you’re incredibly attractive, and I’m honestly beyond lucky that you’d even give me the time of day, let alone actually come to bed with me.” 

Tonks sniffs and stares straight ahead. 

“I’m afraid I don’t really see your point, then,” she says in a flat voice that sounds nothing like her normal one. “If you really think I’m so brilliant, and you like sleeping with me and you know that you can trust me. We might have different definitions of what it means to love someone.” 

Remus inhales sharply. Tonks sneaks a sideways glance at him — he looks angry, which lights a tiny spark of perverted joy in her. If they must, the alternative being Remus’ empty platitudes, she’d much rather they have a proper fight and break things off in a satisfying way. 

All of a sudden, Remus gets up and starts quickly getting dressed. 

“For your information, I know _exactly_ what it means to love someone,” he says, once he’s fully clothed. He’s looking directly into Tonks’ eyes, and he’s fuming. “My whole bloody life, all of it has been shaped by the fact that I love someone. For you to fucking waltz in and–“ 

“See,” says Tonks, with grim satisfaction. “It wasn’t so hard to tell the truth, now, was it?” 

Remus blinks twice. 

“You’re impossible,” he says, shaking his head. “You don’t want the truth, you want me to tell you that I’m in love with you, which — yes, of course I am, who wouldn’t, but as long as he’s around I’ll never be able to fully…” 

“He?” repeats Tonks in a small voice. She’s experiencing, she realises, a truly peculiar mixture of utter bafflement and perfect retroactive recognition. “Do you mean…?” 

Remus sits at the end of the bed. He looks much older than he did just a few minutes before. 

“Sirius, yeah, of course,” he confirms, staring down at his hands. “Who else?” 

Tonks doesn’t really have anything to add to this. 

“Are you two…?” she inquires after a while, as gently as she can manage. 

Remus shakes his head again. 

“No,” he says, looking at her with a desperate kind of urgency. “Not for years, it was over well before the end of the war. I never even realized how much I still… I wouldn’t have started anything with you if I had, believe me.” 

“I do,” says Tonks, in a conciliatory tone. “I know you wouldn’t.” 

Remus reaches for her, hesitates, rests his hand a few inches away from her leg. 

“I’m so sorry for doing this to you, Dora, of all people. I really am.” 

Tonks sighs and takes one last look at the lover she’s about to leave behind. 

“Don’t be,” she tells her friend, and somehow she finds that she means it.

  


**Author's Note:**

> _Mon cœur de silex vite prend feu,  
>  Ton cœur de pyrex résiste au feu_


End file.
